Day 5

I am going to skip some of the early memories. It was hard to try to recall so much from my early childhood and I felt like I wasn’t able to write if I didn’t keep it in order. Well, screw the order of things. This is my meandering writing…I am going to start writing whatever I happen to remember.

I have a vague memory of Albert, my mother's boyfriend (10 year relationship from beginning to end) reaching out for me one day. We had moved to California and were living in Pomona with Albert’s aunt, her husband and 3 kids. It was Albert, my mom - Kelly, and my two sisters, Amber and Mary. I think I was around 7 years old. I have tried to push this memory harder because I want to know if this is when it all started. In this memory Albert is lying in bed and reaching out for me.

I remember when I was in the 3rd grade and I got the chicken pox again. I remember because my mom had gone to visit my grandpa with my baby sister, Mary and Mary got the chicken pox at the same time as me while she was there. While my mom and Mary were gone, I remember Albert making me lay with him on the couch a lot. I don’t think I knew what was going on. We lived in this apartment in Ontario at the time. The neighborhood was made up of apartments only. Each apartment was 2 stories and there were 4 apartments in each building, like a square split into 4 more squares. We lived in the front right apartment. We moved out of this apartment and moved about 4 buildings down to another apartment on the same street. Several days later, the deranged landlord (of the apartment we moved out of) went into the apartment of the tenants that lived in the in the rear right apartment with a gasoline tank. He dumped gasoline all thru the apartment, even on the baby in a crib. Then he walked out and set fire to it. The family managed to get out and everyone was ok, but that apartment was toasted. I don’t know why he did it. I was 8 or 9 at the time. I remember my sisters and me peaking around the apartment when no one was around because it was so fascinating. I think my sisters, my mom and I were the only white people in the neighborhood. To us it was nothing but the norm as Albert was Hispanic and told everyone we were his daughters. My first boyfriend (crush) didn’t even speak English.

I remember when I was about 9 or so. Everyone in the house was sleeping, except me and Albert. He always found a way to keep my up when everyone else had to go to bed. This time was different though because he wanted more than usual. He penetrated me and I started to bleed. It must have been enough to scare him because he made me go upstairs and wake my mom up. She thought I started my period and gave me a pad. The next day, my mom and Albert took me to lunch telling me what a big girl I was now. It was such a big deal to them. I don’t remember how long it lasted but I never bled again until I was 14.

Albert did drugs most of the time. During these early years he got my mom started also. We girls used to walk in on my mom or Albert snorting white lines on mirrors quite often. Albert also beat my mom quite regularly and severely. In the beginning, it wasn’t everyday. Maybe once a week or less, it seemed. We would be eating dinner and they would start bickering, then full on fighting. Once my mom dumped a bowl of potatoes on Albert’s head and hit him with a frying pan.

I used to collect these little girl figurines. I had this real pretty shelf that hung in the living room with them all. I always seemed to lose one after mom and Albert fought.

Somehow, my sister, Amber, found out what was going on. She was always looking out for suspicious things for some reason. I think she walked in on it once and Albert told her to get out. She asked me what was going on later that day and I said nothing. She kept asking and I finally told her. She told me that I had to tell mom. So one day, I wrote my mom a letter telling her everything and left it for her when I left for school in the morning. When I came home that day, my mom was furious with me. She accused me of making up lies, saying that I didn’t like Albert and that was why I said it. I don’t remember the whole scene but in the end, my mom had me pack up my belongings and took me to live with her friend in another city. I lived there for about 3 months or so. I went to school there. My mom would come visit me every once in a while and she always brought me a gift. After the Christmas holiday, I was allowed to come back home. When I got home, all my stuff including my mattress where thrown outside on the balcony/roof. Albert had thrown it out there. Amber helped me bring it all in. I remember Albert ignoring me for a while or being mean to me if he did speak. But for a while, he left me alone. I don’t remember how long that lasted but I know we lived in the same house when it started again. I don’t remember how it started again or what was said by Albert but I knew that I wasn’t supposed to say anything this time.